That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I intend to get homeless drunk
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's the barista slut.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
