You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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