i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
