apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.