i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.