You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.