I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.