He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"