Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
