you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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