i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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