cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
