I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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