also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
