I seem to have left my pride at pride
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
