What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
