I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
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My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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