before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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