Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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