phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
