I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
