I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
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She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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