You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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