his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
