Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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