No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sobbing to NWA
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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