I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
