i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
BRING THE BAGELS
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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