im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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