I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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