There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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