how can u be prego again
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
