Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
