We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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