Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
