Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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