Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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