So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
