I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
