I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
