omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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