Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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