You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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