she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt