Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault