So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
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My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him