Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.