ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.