I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
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Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?