fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize