Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
