i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
