you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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