just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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