I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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