Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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