So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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