How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize