i just wanna soil my oats bro
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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