sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
